Save Your Own Life- please.

**spiraling. I apologize if none of this makes sense. This isn’t edited at all. It’s just writing it all out.**

Hello leetle Strawberries,

It’s funny that I still use that phrase here on the blog, yet I haven’t said that to someone since maaaaybeeee my junior year of high school.

Today is one of those days, you know? The curl up in a ball at the top of your bed kind of day. Its the kind of day that if someone looks at me the “wrong way” I’ll probably just collapse into a puddle.

**Sidenote- I promise it’s relevant** Here’s a little tidbit on something I’ve been wanting to do. I’ve been wanting to make little video diaries documenting… life, I guess. More so mental health? AND IT SOUNDS TERRIBLY CHEESY AND HOLY CRINGE BUT- Idk when I’m going through an episode, I used to have a whole playlist of videos I would watch so I felt less lonely. Also I think making them would make me feel less lonely.

AND HERES WHY I DONT CALL THEM VLOGS:

I was a performer straight from the womb. I made little films from like age 7 to 14. I did theatre from age 4 to now. BUT THIS IS ABOUT VIDEO DIARIES. (Obviously I was inspired by the iconic Good Luck Charlie.) I made little video diaries when I was 12 and 13. As cringeworthy and silly as they are, they are very therapeutic to make. I guess “vlogging with a purpose.”

**end of sidenote**

Anyways, as I was spiraling on the corner of my bed, I had the sudden urge to pull out a camera and just let it roll. I have/had two thoughts on this. Either it could be helpful for me or someone else. OR it could be a total mess. I don’t often talk about depression, anxiety, or any disorder in “public” or online because it makes my skin crawl. Social media is the worst thing on the planet. (Mary, you’re a hypocrite. You’re posting this ON social media.) I truly believe that though. I do think there are positives to social media. Especially YouTube. I think at one point, it was a creative outlet. Now it’s trash. Wanting to be a celebrity for the sake of being a celebrity. And tying this into mental health, there’s an entire community of self diagnosed, social climbing, people who (hate to be rude buuuut) set off triggers for people who actually have these disorders. It’s hard for me, personally, to come on to a platform and talk about it without it seeming… not genuine or real? It’s hard to talk about things without coming across like you’re begging for attention, so it’s much easier to just keep your mouth shut about it and move along.

BUT here’s the thing. I didn’t want to grab my journal and write it all out. I don’t know why. It just didn’t sit right in my body. As I thought about filming, I decided against it (because of the reasons listed above). So here I am on my blog, talking it all out.

I guess I just really want to start a conversation on what everyone’s thoughts are regarding mental health.

Let me know what you think.

,MariCait

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s